There has to be a purpose, right?

 I have been living with chronic pain from Endometriosis for about three years now.  Without a doubt, the hardest part about this illness is that there is no cure and very few treatment options that conventional medicine has to offer.

This has pushed me to take control of my own health and find a cure for myself.  There is a lot of trial and error in this, and it can be frustrating.  I spend a lot of my time researching and reading what others have found that helps their symptoms.  Many things have helped me manage the pain: an amazing acupuncturist, learning my food intolerance’s and meditation.  I don’t know how long it will take, but I do believe that one day I will get my health back and do all the things I love again.

But even with hope, it’s difficult to escape negative thoughts. Sometimes I get so fed up with the pain I let it completely control my mind. It is hard to watch the ones I love go out and do things I desperately wish I felt well enough to do.  And when I build up the courage to do them, to put on a smile while I endure my invisible illness.  All I can think is that my life is moving backwards when everyone else’s is going forward.

Today, I let my pain control me.  But a small positive thought came to me while brushing my teeth before bed. I hope it brings a little light to your day like it did for me.

What did I need to learn from this?

to love myself better

to be kind to myself

to break up with fear

to enjoy every little moment

to appreciate life – even it’s imperfections

to empathize with others

But first: to empathize with myself

If a higher power came before me and asked, “If you could be given back your health right this moment, in return that you will always love yourself, could you make that promise truly?”

I would desperately want to say yes. And maybe even say it in order to get my health back. But would I trust myself to stick to it? No.

I have not fully learned from this yet. And learning from this will be my biggest obstacle and my greatest blessing. And that’s the ultimate goal.

Let it make me better. Let it make me the person I have always wanted to be.

No one deserves to suffer from chronic pain or illness. But if you do, it can serve you if you let it.

I recently wrote a short guest post at theseeds4life.com about healing. You can read it here.

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